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” She accepted my touch, and I let our hands rest together on her left thigh. “I know, and I love you guys,” she said, giving my hand a little squeeze in return. I was very pleased, as this was honestly the most intimate moment we’d ever shared and guiltily, though I really was just trying to help her out as a friend, the realization that we were making a real connection (and in context of the very real attraction I felt for her) had me feeling a bit aroused. From the corner of my eye, I could see that she was now considering our joined hands and I began to wonder if she also felt something.As we pulled into the parking lot and she took her hand back, I was trying to contrive a reason to walk her to her apartment. Believe it or not, I wasn’t hoping to seduce her. I really just wanted her to end the evening happily. I couldn’t escape the constant thought that this amazing girl deserved so much better than what life was giving her. Whatever it was she needed to make her feel. Well, funny you should ask!” replied Hugh. “I have a huge hankerin’ for some more teabaggin’.” “I‘m glad you called. You are full of romance and a tea bagger to boot!” replied Leslie. “Cool beans!“ replied Hugh as he hung up the phone and walked into the full service grocery store. “May I help you?” asked the clerk with a nametag on that said “Phil”. “Yes” answered Hugh, “I need some toilet paper for my anus.” “Ok,” replied Phil, “What kind of anus are we talkin’ here?” “Well, it’s a 1983 half Italian, Quarter French, seven thirty seconds Norwegian and one thirty second native American anus.” “Oh, interesting” said Phil. “Is this a huge anus we’re talking about here?” “Well I’m Hugh Jainus,” replied a slightly flustered Hugh Jainus. “But I don’t have a huge anus. It’s just average.” “Well then, I suggest a aloe lotion three ply all natural recycled unscented roll for you average sized 1983 half Italian, Quarter.
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